Not too long ago, someone said to me, “You’ve changed.”
Of course, the manner in which it was stated was not positive. They meant it as if I had changed in a bad way. However, the changes that we were essentially talking about were ones that meant I had grown tremendously as human being.
Initially I was upset. It wasn’t so much that I was upset about the fact I had change. But, rather, the fact this person as unhappy with the progress I had made in life.
While I didn’t understand in the moment, I can now reflect back and realize that the reason this person was upset with me was because I had changed and…. ‘left them behind.’
In other words, this person was upset that I had made improvements in my life that they had not. And, that meant I was now in a different place in life.
The whole situation not only caught me off guard, but also left me feeling upset. Here I was working H-A-R-D to improve my life (my family moved to a new state away from our friends and family as a part of this growth). We had made tremendous sacrifices to have this positive change in our life.
So, why was I upset by the comment?
It hit me later, maybe even a year later, the reason I was upset was this comment: I wanted this person to improve their life also. But, instead of doing so, my growth basically drove a wedge between us. Here’s the thing, I can WANT someone to change for the better, for themselves but I cannot do it for them.
The whole thing reminds me of the quote I chose to go under my senior photo in my high school yearbook.
You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.unknown
This is a quote that has been apart of my life for decades! Uh, I graduated in 2001. How the hell is it 20 years later????
The fact that you can want something for someone – badly – doesn’t mean jack shit if they do not want it for themselves.
It’s Not What it Seems
In the end, I realized that the comment was made because the other person was most likely upset about being in a stagnant situation while I was in a place of growth. It was probably fueled by a degree of jealousy. That said, I was initially upset about the remark, but have to remember it was more about THEM than it was about me.
- Have you had something like this happen to you before?
- If so, how did you handle the situation?
- Did you end up with a similar realization – the comment was more about the other person than you?
All in all, it is important to remember that change is not something to be feared. Chaning can absolutely be a good thing.
A phrase to think about often is this: If you are not growing, you are dying. In other words, change is a form of growth.
Embrace the change. Welcome it instead of resisting. In the long run, you will be happier for it. You might not see it initially. But, in the long run you will. I promise. Scouts honor.
Until you get to that point – Hugs!