Juggling the Stress of Patriarchal Expectations and this False Narrative…

The other morning, I met with a friend at a local coffee shop. The conversation started out as usual, “How are you doing? What have you been up to lately?”

As the conversation progressed, we talked about a wide variety of topics. Everything from being involved in our community to our current work situations and families.

The longer the conversation progressed, the more real things got. For some reason, I felt compelled to open up about my struggles I’ve been facing…

Warning, deep feels ahead

One nagging point of stress in my life has been this:

  • Juggling the patriarchal expectations of me as a woman with the societal narrative that I can have it all as a business owner, wife, and mother.

I feel as though I am constantly fighting to get the time I need — to be a functioning human and to allow my business flourish.

The more I think about all of this, the more frustrated I get. It feels like I am trying to push a 1,000 pound boulder up a hill all by myself. To add insult to injury, there is a crowd of bystanders cheering me on, “You can do it!” Or, “Wow, I am so inspired by your drive.” Instead of recognizing that it is the type of task that cannot be accomplished alone.

Why does our society tell us we need to do everything ourselves without help? Or, am I just in the wrong social groups, circles, and/or communities?

Please tell me I am not alone

You might not relate 100% to everything I am saying right now. But, hopefully there is at least a part of this that you have felt before (or currently feeling).

Side note, I don’t want you to take that last sentence the wrong way. I’m not saying I want you to be struggling. Rather, my hope is I am not alone.

Am I doing something wrong? How do I push back again the patriarchy and say, “No, I do not consent to this way of life.” How do I get things in my life to shift to a healthier balance of expectations?

Stay with me here

My goal here is usually to provide YOU words of wisdom, but today I cannot. Today I have to let you know that I am struggling to figure out how to balance all this shit.

I am human, just like you. And, I cannot pretend I’ve got everything figured out. That would be a total lie — seriously! And, my goal is to show up here authentically. This is a currently struggle that I have not learned from… yet.

So, stay with me as I work through this. Something says it is the type of thing that takes a while to work through.

All that said, drop a comment below and let me know what you think…

have you felt this way? Do you currently feel this way? What have you done to battle these feelings and create a healthier balance in your life?

Wait, I’ve got another thought (or two)

On a random, not-so-related note — Yet, oddly along the same line. I just finished watching the LuLuRich documentary about LuLaRoe.

As Pinky Patel on IG @pinkypatelofficial said, “Beige people keep getting into this trap.

Pinky Patel’s Review of the LuLaRich Docuseries on Amazon Prime Video

Pyramid Scheme in the News

After watching Pinky Patel’s review of LuLaRich, I found this article by The Guardian — ‘It’s very culty’: the bizarre billion-dollar downfall of fashion company LuLaRoe.

While I wasn’t ever big into LuLaRoe — I bought a few items to support family members — I couldn’t help but take an interest in the story. Especially when I read this quote from the article:

The company appealed, said Furst, to the “middle America millennials who don’t have the same opportunities that their parents had, who are facing a lot of different struggles, who are susceptible on one hand to the patriarchal nuclear family structure but then also the pitch to be a girlboss and to be empowered and to be a feminist who is selling these leggings”.

There. That quote right there. It only adds to my frustration… just delete the part about the leggings and substitute “a business owner,” “executive” or basically any job title.

2 replies on “Juggling the Stress of Patriarchal Expectations and this False Narrative…

  • Michelle Abbey

    It definitely helps to make sure everyone in the household is on the same page and everyone contributes. If certain expectations were set a long time ago, and they need changing, it likely won’t be easy, but it’s possible. And as far as society expecting you to do it all without help…I think we live in a culture where many of us put that pressure on ourselves (and the example spreads). We’ve become a pretty disconnected and independent society, in general. No one wants to ask for help. Ask for help. And don’t drive yourself crazy trying to do more than you can physically and mentally handle.

    • Kristi Coughlin

      Thank you, Michelle. We have definitely become a disconnected society – at least here in the United States. I recall hearing a story of how women in villages do the laundry together and making. It also served as their social time. There’s a part of me that would prefer to do chores that way.

      As far as asking for help, it’s hard when past experiences have resulted in those requests going unanswered. Trying to rewrite those stories is hard.

      Thanks for writing back. I hope you are doing well. XOXO


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